Tory activist goes undercover at Labour event – can’t remember own name

The first rule when going undercover is to make sure you’ve got your cover name and your back story well logged in your memory. Only after that can you go swanning about tricking people into divulging their secrets.

Unfortunately, a young Tory named Rupert had clearly neglected to find out the basic rules of effective espionage before embarking upon a reconnaissance mission deep behind enemy lines at a Labour Party event.

According to a report by the Independent, suspicions were raised soon after the young man arrived to offer his help on a Labour trip with MPs John Ashworth and Gloria de Piero to seaside constituencies where the party is hoping to win seats from the Tories.

Rupert claimed that he was an activist in the Oxford Labour Party, but upon questioning couldn’t remember any of the names of his fellow members, or indeed, his own name, eventually giving an unconvincing reply.

Suspicions were heightened when he enquired about “A – list candidates”, a particular Conservative invention for young Tories earmarked for future success. Labour has no similarly named system.

Speaking to the Independent, Ashworth said: “It’s not the sort of language a Labour activist would use.”

“This guy turned up saying he was a young Labour activist from Oxford, but he was asking very odd things in a very odd way, trying to goad the students into being critical,” Ashworth said. “He was enticing me to say something critical about the party.

“When I asked him what his name was again, he prevaricated and ummed and erred, as if he didn’t know his name. We Googled and we think we’ve identified him as a Tory activist from Oxford, called Rupert.

“Fair play to him – he’s only in his twenties, and I don’t want to be nasty to him, but it wasn’t one of the best spying operations I have ever come across. I don’t think MI6 will be wanting to recruit him.”

Bad luck Rupert.

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